MEMORABLE COMMENTS FROM AMERICAN KEYBOARD WARRIORS FROM TUF9 FORUM THREADS

Warning!!! TUF9 final spoilers and some strong gloating follow. And so we have come to the end of a great season of The Ultimate Fighter. The format of Team UK v Team USA was always going to provoke national pride from both sides of the pond. The internet fans of one team were fully expecting to win and made loud, crass noises all over MMA forums to that effect. Sadly things did not go to plan for them, and face saving excuses had to be made. I have selected a number of forum posts from Team USA fans and presented them below. The posters names have been omitted to protect the boastful and bitter. The posts were taken from several of the major MMA forum websites. If you have ever posted on an MMA forum, you will understand that they are sometimes frequented by persons of extremely varying intellect and vocabulary. All spelling mistakes have been maintained for authenticity. The first section is taken from posts from before the start of the season and up until Episode three, when the Team vs. Team matches began. The first two episodes, if you remember, covered the two teams separately having the selection fights. These early posts reflect the deep self belief fans of Team USA had in future victory, as well as their casual brushing aside of UK potential. The second section is taken from posts following Episode twelve and after the live final. Feelings had changed by this point. There was a lot less posting altogether from US fans. Not so vocal now eh? So why had team US fared so badly? Surely it could not simply have been that they were beaten by a superior team? No, it must be another reason…..a vast conspiracy of some sort….. By the way, there were many Team USA fans who were extremely decent and complimentary towards Team UK and also very gracious in defeat, but here is NO fun to be had printing any of that drivel. I think the android Kryton from Red Dwarf said it best: “Aaaahhh….Smug Mode!” AT THE START OF THE SEASON (PRE EP3) *I think they should have US vs Brazil. It would be more competitive. *You Brits are gonna get smashed, shame its not “Tea and Crumpet Fighter” lol. *Although Brits have the reputation of being tough, their mentality hinders their potential for sports such as MMA. *I cant wait to see Hendo destroy Bizzping. *We have good fighters plus those UK fights last night looked very ametuer and premative *UK fighters are typically smaller than US fighters, and really not as good as American fighters. *Its not really fair on you UK guys cos you just have England to choose from, we have the whole of the US. *Will there be SUBTITLES when the British fighters talk? I have no idea what they saying. *I thought it was a terrible showing by the Brits. They all looked very sloppy and they all seemed to gas very easily * Demarques Johnson is clearly the best fighter in the house by a long way. *The UK probably got crushed in this series because they didn't get half as many people showing up for the tryouts as the US did. *EWW GROSS A GINGER!!! *The Brit fighters themselves are not to blame for this, but they just don't have access to the quality of trainers, the wealth of experience and the competition that fighters in the US do. *16 people from the uk . how many of them aren't Soccer/football hooligans ? :D *Its almost like they grabbed the UK fighters off the streets just to make a show. *Bissbin is such a douchebag. *your crazy if you think UK is gonna win, they cant sprawl, they cant tell when there winning stand up and when to take it to the ground or not, and there records where horrible compared to the american fighters. *Ahh seems very one sided. America will win IMO *187 overall fights for the US boys and 121 overall fights for the UK boys tell me the US boys have 1/3 more experience under their belts. *it should be North America vs the world *i listen to certain british people and all i hear is them trail of and mumble. lildkjf kdj dkjf oa. TIMMY!! *In my opinion, British fighters struggle with MMA for the fact that they are brawlers. Anyone who has spent some time in the UK will tell you that the need to fight is much stronger than in the USA, you are far more likely to see a fight in Glasgow than anywhere in the USA. * THE BRIT TEAM ARE SUCH FAGS LOL ALL BEING BEST FRIENDS AN CHUMMY. NONE OF THEM ARE JIZZING IN EACH OTHERS FOOD LIKE THE US TEAMS DID LAST SEASON!!!DOUCHE-BAGS!! ROFLCOPTER!!1! INTERLUDE (During which we all spent a few months watching TUF Season 9, TEAM UK VS TEAM USA, episodes 4-11. To summarize, TEAM UK were united in the house, while members of TEAM USA bickered and moaned, with one of them even giving away training secrets to the UK fighters. TEAM UK won the final by a landslide, winning a preliminary bout and capturing both LW and WW titles, having filled ¾ of the final places. ‘LOL.’ Indeed. And now, back to the greatly depleted TEAM USA fan forum posts that appeared after episode 12 and after the final.) AT THE CLOSE OF THE SEASON (POST EP12) *TUF is crap now anyways. *You guys only won cos Dana wants money from shows in England. *Wilks is living in the US so its actually a welter-weight win for Team America. *I really wonder if they (the ufc) chose less skilled fighters for the US team to make it an even contest. *Pierce is such a douche-bag. *these guys were the best the UK had to offer where most of the top level talent in the US has been found. *the UK is our bitch so it doesnt matter *Personally I like the Brits, but do NOT condone what appears to be a set-up. *I cant wait to see Hendo destroy Bizzping. So there we have it. We won. They lost. All that’s left is to get a complete victory with a result at UFC 100. WAR BISPING!!!

UK UFC FIGHT NIGHTS SHOULD BE CONTROLLED BY A MACHINE

The UFC has an ongoing mission to increase the amount of territory it covers. After visits to the UK, Japan and Brazil in the early UFC days, they expanded again in the last few years, coming to the UK, Canada, Ireland and now Germany. Hopefully France, Philippines, Japan, Brazil to come soon. At the moment we are seeing at least one show a month, but this can often increase to two, if a UK show or fight night is scheduled. When Marshall Zelaznik was appointed UK UFC president, I personally thought it would mean developments on top of the UK shows. So far that does not seem to be the case, but who knows what is secretly in the pipeline. At the fan Q&A session at UFC 99, Dana White hinted that the UFC would return to the UK in October. There are weighty rumours already that the next full show will be UFC 105 in November, at the MEN in Manchester. We are still waiting for official confirmation of this. Many sources think that the October UK show will be the first “Fight Night” show in the UK, possibly in Newcastle. This would be great for fans, as we welcome any UK UFC show. I do think that we could take this a step further though. Here is my suggestion and wish: regular UK specific UFC Fight Nights. Three shows per year. They would be in addition to the larger UFC shows that the UK currently receives roughly every four months. They would be held in the areas that the UFC has previously wanted to access, but have been unable to because the venues that were too small for the big shows. Dana himself has stated that certain smaller UK venues would be perfect for Fight Night size events. This means that the long hoped for Scotland shows would now be possible. The UK Fight Nights would provide a platform for mainly UK (and travelling French) fighters to advance beyond smaller local shows and progress a career with the UFC. If Marshall Zelaznik can take responsibility for the running of these shows, the UK already has the infrastructure of referees, commentators and presenters to cover them, without interfering with the normal shows. Obviously the person chosen as Master Of Ceremonies should ideally be well known, have MMA and MC experience, and preferably be indigenous to the UK. My vote would be for Ian “The Machine” Freeman: British MMA pioneer, UFC veteran and star of multiple Tv shows, films and MMA promotions. He is also the face of the top MMA magazine “Fighters Only.” Ian has had a long and exciting MMA career, from defeating Frank Mir at UFC 38, up to returning from retirement to reclaim the Cage Rage LHW title at the age of 41 in 2008. Although “The Machine” has his own adults audience only show, he is able to adapt his delivery style to one appropriate to the crowd, and of course the organisation. He would not be the first to do this, Joe Rogan the famous UFC colour commentator has a successful career in stand-up comedy, little of which would be suitable for a UFC broadcast! Somewhat more importantly though, Ian has taken on a role as a British MMA ambassador, presenting several shows and being a regular master of ceremonies for North East of England promotion “Strike and Submit”, and most recently for the exhibition match between WAMMA champions Fedor Emelianenko and Shinya Aoki. With the first UK Fight Night rumoured to be held in the North East of England, I can’t think of anyone who would be more appropriate and familiar to fans, and can help get the UK Fight Night format up and running smoothly. Do it Dana!

SIGNING WHILE THE FIGHT IS HOT

Recent news suggests that the M1 Global organisation may be willing to arrange Fedor Emelianenko a one fight deal in the UFC. The fight would be sometime after UFC 100, for the Heavyweight belt, against the winner of Lesner vs. Mir. As MMA fans we can speculate forever, but until the pen is put to paper, it is all just hypothetical. There has been much discussion and arguing about Fedor having a UFC contract. Demands from both sides about contact limitations and additional requirements, rights and wrongs on both sides and…….oh-God-please-lets-not-get-into-all-that-again. The back and forth bartering always takes time and weighs heavily on the premise that the star fighter in question will continue amazing form, so that dream match-ups are worthwhile. The outcome of all the fruitless negotiations meant that some of the super fights MMA fans have wanted to see have been denied to them, until eventually the match-ups begin to lose their lustre. I think it is more important to MMA fans, that there is a fight at all, regardless of contract. It is a given that the UFC would not accept anything less than Fedor being solely their property for the fight. They have no need to entertain the notion of cross promotion. A one off fight for Fedor with the UFC champion, followed by everyone going their separate ways, would at least give us one historical match-up while all competitors are still at their relative peaks. As MMA gets bigger it becomes easier for a fan to spot the potential super-fights, and also lament the ones that will never happen, or would happen too late. We will never see Kazushi “Gracie Hunter” Sakuraba face off against Rickson Gracie. The potential of Randy vs Fedor was scuppered early when Randy learned that the cash carrot offered to Fedor by the UFC was a bigger monetary vegetable than the one on his plate. He then threw himself out of the loop for such a long time that Brock became the much bigger draw. We were lucky to see Chuck against Wanderlei when we did. Both fighters had aged together, so they were able to put on a classic battle. Whilst their form has dropped since against other opponents, their fight lived up to the hype that had built for years. Shinya Aoki vs BJ Penn? I will have some of that unlikely scenario! I really hope Fedor does fight in the UFC while it is still relevant in terms of rankings. Although he seems unstoppable, he is only one loss away from reducing his value as the so called “best heavyweight in the world.” It would still mean great fights if Fedor came to the UFC following a loss. It would just not be THE great fight. And all eyes would then turn to “The Fedor Slayer.” And so on. And so on.

HOW SHOULD FIGHTERS BE DRUG TESTED?

The issue of banned performance drug use in MMA still occasionally rears its ugly head. After Chris Leban tested positive following his loss to Michael Bisping, he said he would embark on mission to warn children of the dangers of drugs. How very honourable. He could of course have done this without taking the roids in the first place, but I’m sure he must have needed the experience to back up his honest and brave lectures. It is a problem that many feel passionate about, and is something that can also question people’s faith in fighter rankings. All any fan wants to see is a fair fight. Only yesterday a sweet old lady at the bus-stop saw my “Team Kenny Florian” T-shirt. Her eyes widened and her finger shook with anger as she pointed at my shirt, her soft, gentle wrinkles now contorted into a mask of apoplectic rage as she cackled venomously. “Kenflo was ruddy robbed! That other muscley bugger was probably juiced up to the knackers when they fought for the vacant lightweight title! He must have got himself clear before the test! And where the fucks this bliddy bus at?” So this week’s poll is regarding drug testing in MMA. I’m optimistically hoping for as many as six replies to this weeks poll, so please be patient should the internet explode due to such immense traffic. Please tick a box in the right margin according to your preference. HOW SHOULD FIGHTERS BE DRUG TESTED? -They should be allowed to take so many performance drugs that it comes leaking out of their eyes when they lean forward. -Before and after every fight. -Before and after every fight, and at peak training times. -Before and after every fight, at peak training times, and three times randomly per year. -Keep them permanently hardwired to testing equipment. Especially him. You know who I mean….

LAST WEEK’S POLL RESULTS!

UFC 100 HOW WILL YOU BE WATCHING IT? We had a staggering amount of replies to this poll. Nearly 500,000 in total! With a few zeros knocked off. Okay, so there were five. My scientific calculator tells me that: 20% will be watching a live broadcast on Tv or internet with only your own household. 60% will be watching a live broadcast on Tv or internet with a group of friends. 20% will be Recording and watching later with a group of friends. I hope you will join me in sending these exciting results to the leaders of all political parties, and also screaming them from the roof-tops until your lungs bleed.

I DENY SLANDERING MR JUANITO IBARRA

I would like to make an official statement to all followers of this Blog. In recent news Mr Juanito Ibarra, the ex manager of UFC fighter Rampage Jackson has made accusations that several fighters and online MMA blog sites have slandered him, and he will be taking legal action against them all. He has named these websites, stating he will bring attention to them and the identities of their creators. Sadly, my Blog is only a month old and has a very small amount of followers at the moment (Thanks again for checking in Dad, one day I will explain what the letters MMA actually stand for.) As it did not exist until a month ago, MMA-KNOCKOUT-SUBMISSIONS has not been involved at all in any actionable slander towards Juanito Ibarra. So, unlike Cage Potato, Bloody Elbow, Five Ounces Of Pain and the other sites Mr Ibarra has his legal sights on, I will be getting no free publicity for my Blog. This hardly seems fair, especially as I’ve done nothing wrong. With this in mind I would like to release the following statement as owner of MMA-KNOCKOUT-SUBMISSIONS. “MMA-KNOCKOUT-SUBMISSIONS has never, and will not at any time, support any unfounded allegations that Mr Juanito Ibarra is a member of the ancient secret society “The Illuminati” and is actually a shape changing alien life form sent to earth to undermine the sport of MMA. Any suggestions otherwise are total bollocks.” Thank you for your time. I do think he looks silly in that hat though, but that is purely a matter of personal opinion. (LEGAL NOTICE: Anyone wishing to contribute funds toward the “MMA-KNOCKOUT-SUBMISSIONS” Satirical libel fund should contact me privately. Hard cash and Nandos chicken products only please.)

THE WEEKLY POLL!

Each week I will be asking for your thoughts on issues and events currently in MMA. We may discover hidden truths, passionate opinion, or just the bleeding obvious. Just one click on the right hand side is all it takes…… This week- UFC 100. How will you be watching it? Dana White recently commented that viewing figures are difficult to calculate, as a lot of UFC fans watch shows in groups, all together at a friend’s house for example. Some people in the UK will stay up and watch a UFC show live in the small hours of a Sunday morning, while others record or download it and watch it the following day (and carefully avoid reading results spoilers!) Some people manage to go to a lot of shows in person! So, regarding UFC 100. How will you be watching it?

MMA in NY! So good so far....

Congratulations to New York for winning step one in their fight for MMA legislation! The New York State Assembly's Committee on Tourism, Parks, Arts and Sports today voted in favour of Bill 2009-B, stage one in the review. They passed the vote with a 14-6 margin! Keep it going NY!

THE UFC’S NEXT LEVEL (3), BRANDED PRODUCTS

The UFC’s progress to the mystical “Next Level” will also be accelerated by brand recognition. T-shirts and posters are the staple of MMA events, so these are to be expected. Of course we have in recent years seen MMA events based on t-shirts, as well! The UFC are expanding their brand in a few areas now. The opening of UFC gyms. Official collectors trading cards and action figures. The UFC 2009 Undisputed videogame. The first UFC commercial gym in England will be in Birmingham. It will be open to all of the family who wish to get fit and perhaps engage in some MMA training at various levels. This sounds like a great idea to get normal gym monkeys into MMA. It could also help to provoke some interest from budding female fighters in the UK, by taking the “boxercise” idea and expanding it to casual MMA training. We could see a whole new generation of female amateur stars, who will naturally force events to be created for them when the desire to turn professional becomes strong. I will be buying the UFC action figures and trading cards if they become easily available in the UK. This is because I am a muppet, and like that sort of thing anyway. They can stand next to my “Spinal Tap” dolls, and my “Monty Python” trading cards. I do wonder how popular the action figures will be outside of adult collectors like myself. Is the UFC popular enough with young children, the other age demographic that likes action figures? At this stage I would have thought not. Perhaps in a few years this may change. In the meantime, muppets like me can snap them up and keep them in their original packaging, while wives and partners roll their eyes in despair. The UFC 2009 Undisputed Video game is a major step forward for the UFC. The reviews that the game has received show that it is in a market by itself as a more realistic fighting game. No fireballs, dragon punches or enormously muscled combat androids here. And no, Brock does not count. The game is a simulation of MMA skills including stand-up, grappling and most importantly, ground fighting. While the mechanism is not perfect, the clarity of the moves is outstanding and this will help put to bed one of the major issues new UFC viewers have: understanding the ground game and submissions. Many fans who are uneducated about the ground game claim to find it boring, and it is the area where non fans typically insert tired homo-erotic comments. Fans of the fighting genre of video games will have explanation and visual training in the execution and terminology of BJJ. I believe this in itself will be a major step forward in the recruitment of many new UFC fans, who will watch their first live show or PPV with better technique recognition skills than those who came to MMA in previous years. The only downside of this may be an arena full of fans empathetically pretending to hammer the “X” button to help a fighter escape a tight triangle choke.